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There were others who would, despite the best of intentions, we could not arrange a hookup. Something would come up with them or me.After CL shut down their personals I discovered a new personal ad site called Doublelist. I posted an ad on it right away. I was contacted very shortly after posting an ad. When ever the guy and I would arrange to meet something would come up with him or me. This went on for a month or so.Well finally on labor day, Monday September 3, 2018, we finally got together. I had to work that day but after I went to his house across town. Prior to me going over he went and got some condoms.I arrived and he invited me in. As I was undressing he put on some really hot tranny porn. He got undressed and I could tell right away he was well hung. I sat down on the ottoman and started to suck his cock. He got hard very fast. He started fucking my mouth. I tried to take all of it but could not. He came close to cumming but backed off and told me he wants to fuck me. He. I was paranoid about being thought ofas gay and therefore in the eyes of the community - less of a man orindeed of being thought less of a man simply because I simply was lesswell endowed. Being a man's man was the puerile goal of every boy inthat changing room.Gradually I noticed however that actually none of the other boys werereally that confident about their bodies either. In fact everyone hadthe same paranoia about the changing room and of how they compared withthe other boys, even the gay boys. (In fact I found out afterwards thatone of my closest friends, Raymond, was gay and I don't remember evenseeing him get changed he was that anonymous in the changing room.) Thischanging room silence and fear was part of being male. You did not getdressed or undressed as part of a community (even though you were doingit at the same time as other individuals) and you entered, got changedand left the changing room as an individual. This was perhaps the mostsignificant thing I learnt.
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